**DATED SPOILERS HEREIN**
I was late to the Game of Thrones party, and now it turns out I’ll be leaving early. And not only shall I never catch up to where the show is currently, but I didn’t even get to the series’ infamous defining moment: the Red Wedding of two years ago (I’m stopping at season three’s sixth episode “The Climb,” three shy of the bloodbath).
My reasons have nothing to do
with recent developments on the show. And lest anyone think my decision is in any
way out of squeamishness toward its content, I’ll say that my all-time favorite TV drama is HBO’s sadly departed Deadwood,
whose guttermouthed dialogue was nearly the spoken equivalent of hardcore pornography
(seriously, check out the show, but make sure your kids, your parents, your
wife, your husband, or anyone else isn’t in the same room). I’ve also been a
fan of some of the network’s other very R-rated shows like The Sopranos, The Wire, Oz, and Eastbound and Down.
I'm tuning out because
my brain actually tuned out sometime after the Battle of the Blackwater in season
two. Since then, I’ve been watching like it’s a chore, trying to convince
myself it’s compelling. Finally, I quit lying to myself and admitted I was bored. No matter how impressively detailed and complex the
plot may be or how great its production values (and they were as good as any big budget epic film), it’s for nothing if you don’t care about the characters. And I don't.
The joke about not getting too
attached to the characters has been made a million times, but it was in all
seriousness never a problem for me. The only things they do are plot and backstab,
plot revenge, or get victimized (oh, and have sex, of course). Most of them
only have one of these notes to their personality and no more, making who’s
good and bad irrelevant because they’re all equally boring. The lone exception
is Tyrion Lannister, who Peter Dinklage imbues with a rooting drive for purpose,
a rare heart amongst such brutality, and great wit. Or at least he did, for even
Tyrion goes flat and appears comparatively less in the third season than
before.
Even if I did stick with it until
the nasty nuptials, it wouldn’t have been the first time I saw the Red Wedding. Out of
curiosity as to why the Internet was so upset, I watched it on YouTube shortly
after it first aired, without knowing any of the characters or the context of
the event. And to be fair, yes, knowing ahead of time did influence my decision
to opt out. I may not have cared about the Starks any more than the rest of the
characters, but they were, it appears, the “good guys” in the show. So why
continue watching something when all that’s left are the least pleasant
players? Although, if a villain is charismatic and compelling to the point that
you kind of start to like them, I might still watch a show. But the Lannisters,
like all the characters, were not (well, maybe Charles Dance, at times).
I will say this much about the
show’s sex and violence: The Sopranos
was at one point rebroadcast on basic cable network A&E, albeit with the bloodier scenes and nudity cut out and the swearing dubbed over. Despite some stilted
mouth movements, the show still worked, as there was enough substance behind
the series' HBO-ness. It’s hard to imagine being able to do the same with Game of Thrones, but if they did, you
know what’d be left? The Star Wars
prequels! Seriously, all it would be is just endless talking and plotting and politics. It’s more complex and better written than George Lucas’ efforts, maybe, but it'd be just as tedious if not for all the gore and titillation. With it, it’s no deeper than any big, dumb, violent special effects
blockbuster movie, just stretched out longer and more explicit.
So, enjoy the rest of show’s run,
fans, and the books whenever George R.R. Martin manages to finish them. I hope in
the end, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) and Arya (Maisie Williams) team up to lay
waste to Westeros and set up a utopian matriarchal kingdom in its wake, if only to somewhat level off the plight of the show's female characters. But I won't be watching, so I care not what happens.
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