Minority Report, "Pilot"

2002’s Minority Report is an underrated gem in the careers of Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise, a mind-bending noir mystery with some heavy and interesting sci-fi concepts. Its main premise—a police force with the ability to predict murders and arrest the killers before they happen—could make a great series, a unique take on the police procedural that integrates cool sci-fi and wrestles with ethical quandaries and free will. But, if this pilot is any indication, the Minority Report show we did get looks to have squandered all that potential and delivered a shallow, flashy but empty series.

The opening sequence—a foot chase with former precog (one of the three murder-predicting psychics for those who don’t remember the film; the show’s a sequel, by the way) Dash (Stark Sands) rushing through 2065 Washington, D.C., to stop a murder he envisioned, psychically one step ahead of every obstacle—is the lone bright spot before the show plunges into badness. He fails, but he’s tracked down by D.C. detective Lara Vega (Meagan Good), just as he conveniently starts to have another vision, which is conveniently related to the one at the beginning. Since Pre-Crime, as it was called, is now illegal, the two conduct an off-the-books investigation to save the impending victim.

That plot may not sound particularly bad, or out of the ordinary for a pilot, and it isn’t. The problem is that, for all the interesting possibilities the material presents, the show focuses on none of them.

For example, the episode presents a plot point in which former Pre-Crime arrestees were left with brain damage from their imprisonment in suspended animation. It’s an idea with interesting moral and story implications, but instead of exploring it, the moment is wasted on some tired mismatched cop humor (and a pigeon joke, no less, a fitting metaphor for the show’s treatment of the material). The pilot’s seemingly attempting to establish the two leads as a comedic duo, which is not only very out of place, but lacks even a sliver of humor, let alone chemistry between the two. Sands is little more than an extension of socially inept dolt stereotype that’s getting really annoying by now (basically another clone of Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory), while Good’s character is so generic and underwhelming that I can’t really think of anything to say.

The show seems less interested in its plot potential than showing off the technology of the future, which is an unoriginal mix of Back to the Future Part II-type zaniness and the logical extension of our current tablets and smart phones (the movie’s technological predictions seem pretty off now, but its story was strong enough that it still would have worked with Mystery Science Theater 3000-grade effects). Worse, it also tries to be cute and funny with so many prophetic pop culture references (though I did laugh at a Tinder joke). It’s almost like a live-action episode of Futurama, minus the smart plotting, great characters, and actually being clever or witty about all the cultural references.

Speaking of Futurama, couldn’t the much-discussed, amusing cross-promotion with The Simpsons have included Matt Groening’s head in a jar, as a sort of double reference? It wouldn’t have made the show any better, but it still would have been cool!